Passion. Learning outside of the classroom.

Passion. I hear that word all the time these days. So, naturally, I started thinking about passion. What it means literally, what it means to me. It is the glue that will hold the life I want together. When someone is passionate about something it shows. I'm beginning to wonder where mine went. Well, really my passion shifted from one thing to another. My passion is love. To love and be loved. I don't want to be worried about this new found passion. It's not a new passion, but it is just stronger then ever. The kind of passion that just hurts but feels like an overwhelming happiness that I don't know just how to handle quite yet.

I've been so blinded by fears of not making my dreams a reality, not getting in the right school, not taking the right path, not making the right decisions, when my number one fear is losing happiness and love. Fear of not loving or being loved the way I want to love and be loved.

There is no sense in fighting it. I'm a girl that is in love with love. The things that are meant to happen will happen. They will fall right into place effortlessly. If there is passion and love.

A movie producer came to speak to us the other day and talked to us about passion and being passionate about life and people around you. She barely even talked about what it is to be a movie producer. I'm missing just half of that statement. I'm just in a rut. I've always been the girl that needed change and inspiration. I've actually been talking to a lot of industry people and they all say the same thing about having passion, it's actually incredible.

Lately, I've been missing the feeling I felt playing piano on a stage. I find myself wandering and lingering around the music practice rooms at SFSU all the time.

I can't even express or put into words how happy it makes me feel, how much I love it, when I see that someone is passionate for something. A glow, an aura, emanates from them. A passion ignited by anything, even something so small. Passion for another person, a song, a hobby, a career, anything. I just want to be surrounded by passionate people.

The Move

The drive here was kind of a tough one. It was strange to see everything I possessed piled on the seats in my tiny little Honda. The whole way here I kept wondering if I was doing the right thing. Is it necessary that I move? Why am I leaving behind things that matter most to me? I only did it because I figured the only way to be happy was to be on my own. To be on my own somewhere that won’t let me stay within my comfort zones, somewhere that will make me get out there and make a name for myself. Most of my doubts and my fears began to lift off when I approached the Bay Bridge, although I did feel some sadness handing over the 6 dollar toll fee. There is definitely no turning back now. I’ve arrived at that somewhere. It’s time for a fresh start. Before heading to my house I drove along the coast for about a mile. It has a sereneness that is unlike most beaches I’ve been to. I parked my car in front of my house. The mauve and white house is more lovely then I remember. This was my new home.

I took a drive today, the scenic route, also known as “I took a wrong turn, wasn’t paying attention, now I have no idea where I am” route, to IKEA. It was when I came to a toll road that I started freaking out because I knew I already went several miles in the opposite direction and I had no idea where this toll road would take me. Luckily, there was an exit off the highway, the last SF exit. I quickly jerked my car over to the next lane in hopes that it would lead me somewhere to turn around and head back in the other direction. As I was coming around the corner, there it was. The Golden Gate Bridge. It was so majestic looking. It’s massive! The orange color is so brilliant against the light fog that was surrounding the top of it, but the fog was light enough that I could see the Bridge in its entirety. I felt like my heart had stopped for a second . It was breath-taking. And for that second I felt calm, like I was right where I was supposed to be. I was no longer lost and several miles in the opposite direction. At that moment I knew I was going to be okay here. Then my mind started wandering off into when I’m going to bungee jump off it. I then realized that everything that I love to do is in walking distance to my house. Bonfires at the beach, the zoo, the aquarium, the lake, the park, bars, museums, the movie theater. I’m set. I pretty much never need to get in my car again. I can’t even believe it. I live here. I live in San Francisco.

Long Overdue

It's been over a month since I've been home from my trip abroad. I should have been keeping my travel blog up to date. The last three weeks in Europe were amazing. I met several kind, generous, knowledgeable, open-minded people who put a lot of things in perspective for me. They were the kind of people that had a life altering effect on me. This past month I've been thinking about everything I learned and gained. I realized what the things that matter most to me are. It's the simple things and the people that I always took for granted. And there is a downside... coming back home to the things that matter most to you. I'm starting to lose the little things and when you're not wanting anything else, it gets you really down. And soon I'll be leaving everything behind again. I've been trying to balance and cope with leaving behind my old life and figuring out my new life. A big part of me doesn't want to leave behind certain aspects of my old life, but when things aren't going as planned, what's the best thing to do in my eyes? Run. I know I'm going to be a world traveler.

In comparing my study abroad trip to my previous trip to Europe a couple of years ago, there really is no comparison.

For anyone skeptical about couchsurfing, don't be. My first destination was Nice, France where I was offered a couch by a generous Polish guy. Learned a lot from him, we had long talks over red wine about everything from French pop music to being broken hearted. We went to Eze, a city above Nice that had gorgeous views of the beach and the yachts that populated the turquoise waters. From Nice I was Cannes bound. Being at the Cannes Film Festival was unreal. I was at the happiest place on earth, I was giddy like a little kid. I was surrounded by all the people who work for the industry I want to work in, the people who make films worth watching. From Cannes it was off to Verona to see Casa Di Giulietta to place the love letter I had written on Juliet's wall and enjoy some fine dining -donkey and raw horse, with wonderful Italian company and wine. Czech Republic was the next destination. Spent the evening drinking dark beer and hanging out with a local Prague band who gave me their CD as a souvenir, and I left a quote on John Lennon's wall as well. From Prague it was back to the air of Austria, Vienna this time. Vienna is a lot different then Salzburg. My hostel roommate joined me at the Vienna Opera House ( Wiener Staatsoper ) to see La Traviata and we ended up sitting in 75 euro seats for a mere 3 euros. I would have paid 75 euros, it was incredible. The train to the next destination was an amazing start to my next destination, Florence, Italy, where I shared wine and conversation with some young traveling guys from Brazil. Florence left me with wonder and amazement , it really is hard to explain the value Florence has to me. I spent my days there with a guy from Australia who was traveling on his own for a year. I found that inspiring. I would love to have the guts to leave behind everything I know and am comfortable with and just travel for a year. I want to learn everything about everything and everyone. This part of me speaking is the part that is having a hard time adjusting to a steady life. I feel like a stubborn kid. I don't want to grow up, I don't want bills, I don't want to sit in a classroom, I don't want to read a book. I would love nothing more at this point to just work odd jobs here and there as I make my way around the world. I would also love nothing more than to be an inspirer just as the people I have met during my time abroad have inspired me. From Florence we spent an hour lying in the grass in Pisa in front of the leaning tower before boarding a ferry to Barcelona. A lot of thinking happens on a 20 hour ferry ride across the Mediterranean sea. From Barcelona I went to a quieter, more peaceful part of Spain, Figures to see the Dali exhibit. It just so happened that out of all of the 360 days in the year, I decided to go see it on one of the two days that the exhibit is closed.

Figures was the ending of my trip, it was back to Madrid to catch a plane back to Los Angeles. A part of me was happy to be flying back home. Now all I want to do is get on another plane. Maybe moving to San Francisco will tie me down for a couple of years. I have no idea what's to come my way. The unexpected turns and twists keep me wondering.

Since I've been studying literature and taking a creative writing course, I decided to post some of my work to prove that I am actually studying and learning here in Madrid, haha! So here is a poem I wrote for my creative writing class.

Enamored

The piano starts playing,
My heart goes weak.
I watch with lustrous eyes
A masterpiece of nature
Whose hands caress ivory keys

Appassionato, the notes embrace me.
Like red wine, they flowed
Leaving my soul weak
Taking me from reality.

Like an innocent brush of his hand
On my bare arms.
With flushed cheeks
My heart melts.

My heart beats with the crescendo.
I dream of being his muse.
For the music that he plays
Leaves me wordlessly enamored.

Andalucia Weekend

This past weekend I went to three cities in Andalucia; Cordoba, Seville, and Granada. All three cities were amazing and gorgeous. It was a nice change of scenery and weather from Madrid. There was palm trees and flower boxes hanging off of every balcony, and orange trees everywhere and Andalucia has a heavy Arabic influence, being so close to the Moroccan border. Especially Granada. I absolutely loved it. I've decided I have to go to Morocco before I leave Madrid.

We had just a couple hours in Cordoba, enough time to get lunch, I had a chickpea soup, and visit the Mosque of Cordoba which was incredible. You just get lost looking at all the red and white arches inside and the intricate details on the ceilings. I have been getting quite sick of looking at cathedrals, until I saw this one. I was just in awe of it. Then we were off to Seville.

We had the night free to explore Seville and we spent it wine and tapa tasting! They have excellent tapas in Seville. Salmon bocadillos, spinach, walnuts, and raisin dish, and lots more. I just can't say it enough, I love the concept of tapas! haha. While we were in Seville, the Feria de Abril (April Fair) was going on. After visiting the cathedral, climbing up the Giralda tower to see an amazing view of Seville, and a enjoying a pricey but well worth it, traditional Andalucian dinner of lamb in honey sauce stuffed with spinach and pine nuts (how I'm not 300 pounds I have no idea), we headed to the feria. It was so much fun! During the day they had horse parades and carriages. The streets were lined with casetas, which are beautifully decorated marquee tents, and women were dressed in gorgeous flamenco dresses and men were all in suits. All the women were dancing flamenco, everyone was drinking, music was playing everywhere. Most of the houses were private family parties but we were able to go to a couple of public casetas! We drank lots of Manzanilla wine and attempted dancing flamenco, on stage (haha), it was great. There was also a fair ground with rides and of course chocolate con churro stands. It was like the orange county fair. The best ride ever, completely worth the 3 euros, was the totem pole. It was basically like riding a bull but on a log that fit 10 people. I have a hilarious video of it. Good times! The streets were crowded with people and the casetas played music well into the next morning. We didn't leave the feria until 5am and it was still a party! The next morning it was off to Granada.

Oh how I loved Granada. It was breath taking. I was enamored with Granada. I had a crazy adventure and experienced an amazing culture. We went to an Arabic tea house and just relaxed with our apple hookah and tea. Had the most amazing lunch at an Arabic restaurant. I love how all these places were decorated, they all had lavish decor, throw pillows on the couches, soothing scents, dark intimate lighting, gorgeous tapestries. I had the most amazing tea, Pakistani tea with milk, vanilla, and cinnamon. oh I was in love. I also had chicken couscous with walnuts and raisins. I'm going to Casablanca, end of story. The best part of Granada was seeing the Flamenco show. We went to the Albaicin quarter to see the flamenco show in a cave in the hills. First of all, this area is so picturesque, we had an amazing view of the Alhambra lit up at night. I just kept thinking, how could you not fall in love in Granada. It was ridiculously romantic. I am getting butterflies just thinking about it, I can't even describe how this place looks. The flamenco show was incredible. The women had such emotion and intensity in their faces, the spanish guitar was beautiful, the rhythmic feet stomping, hand clapping and singing, I was just in an indescribable state watching the flamenco. The cave was so cool, there were bronze pots hanging from the ceiling and fantastic photography on the walls. I'll never forget the experience.

Granada has the best tapa culture in Spain, it blows Madrid out of the water! We spent the rest of our evening in Granada bar hopping, drinking lots of Tinto de Verano (red wine and lemonade), getting massive portions of FREE tapas, ended up at a pub inspired by London where we had an incredible honey flavored rum, then ended up at a reggae bar, gazed and pondered at an erotic statue of a naked man pulling the horns of a goat (don't ask, I don't know) and climbed up a rather high gate to explore an abandoned church (I'm going to hell). I still have bruises and scrapes. The church was beautiful though, it had no roof, stairs that led to nowhere and there was a complete forest growing inside. It was incredible.

The next day we went to the Alhambra. Oh man, it was so fascinating and gorgeous. I could picture all the lavish rugs, pillows, curtains covering the palace, the walls were just incredible with intricate designs and Arabic writing, and the garden was an Eden. Again, no words can describe. There was this tree, I think it was the cyprus tree, that had a great story behind it. If a guy liked a girl, he would take the leaves from the tree and throw them at the girl he loved or admired. I thought it was cute, like something you would do in grade school.

So, Andalucia is amazing. You can really see the difference in culture from other parts of Spain. As an ending note, I would just like to mention one more time how much I love Madrid in the spring. I have the window open and all these little white flowers are blowing into my room from the trees outside my window. I will be sad to leave in two weeks. Well can't think about that now! Time to go to Retiro park and bask in the sun in a paddle boat on the lake, and then to the Prado to see some art.

Icelandic Volcano

I barely missed the volcanic eruption, otherwise I would have been stuck in Ireland, spending way to much money on beer, fish and chips, and a bed to sleep in. So maybe it's for the better that I came home when I did. I'm starting to miss my study abroad group! I love Madrid but it's more fun when you have someone to walk around with and enjoy it with. Or someone to share my 2 Euro bottle of wine with!!!! I hope everyone makes it home safely and SOON!

Why is it raining so much!! It was raining cats and dogs when I went out walking today, and of course as soon as I make it back to my apartment it's sunny. With my luck if I go back out, it will start pouring again, just like yesterday. I have less then a month left in Madrid weather man, please make it stop!

Spring in Madrid has my heart.

Felicidades, lots of Happiness! Happylations!

Yesterday I went exploring Madrid. I've been in Madrid for a month now and I saw it in a whole new light. Went walking around the Prado and Botanical Gardens and was very pleased to find that tulips were blooming everywhere! Tulips! Incredibly beautiful. All the trees along the streets are beginning to bloom pinks and purples, the trees are showing their leaves in arrays of brilliant greens that contrast perfectly with the buildings and the fountains. I took a peak inside the Botanical Garden gates and there were rows upon rows of tulips in every color you can imagine. I bought a painting of Don Quixote from a street artist, love it. It's kind of small, I might find a larger canvas one, I saw some great pieces at Plaza Mayor as well, gorgeous flamenco paintings, might have to invest in one!

I discovered a part of Madrid I've never seen before, and it was only a couple blocks away from my apartment; The Temple of Debod. It is so beautiful. I learned that it is an Egyptian sanctuary that was sent from Egypt over two thousand years ago and it's one of the few monuments that can be seen outside of Egypt. It sits on top of a hill over looking the entire city. The monument sits in a small pool of water and is surrounded by a park. I think I found my new reading and homework spot! I ended the night at the Metal Bar. I really like this place. It plays great spanish rock and punk music, kind of sounds like classic rock. It was my kind of place. There were places to sit and just listen, or rock out, to the music and drink a Leche de Pantera (Panther's Milk- milk, gin, triple sec, grenadine, and cinnamon) or Calimocho (red wine and Coca Cola). There was absolutely no Lady Gaga, Keane, Keisha, or whatever pop, R&B music is popular in America right now. I loved it!!

Salud!

Salud - Health, to drink to someone's health. I'm very healthy :)

Also, another toast I learned that I like is "Arriba, abajo, al centro, pa'dentro!" (raise your glass, lower your glass, bring glass to the center, inside!)